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11,000 miles from home
Jul. 16th, 2011 12:41 pm Generally, I'm content on my own, but just like everyone else, I have my moments. Yesterday evening, I got a big case of the blues. I was hormonal anyhow (which affects my moods, much as I hate to admit it) and then I got upset about something which may or may not have been as the result of the limitations of text when communicating. And I'm physical - I like hugs and snuggles. Being this far away from home and any friends means that I haven't been touched by another human being for over four weeks. I've interacted with them, talked, laughed, joked. But I haven't touched anyone or been touched. Of all the odd things to miss, hugging is the one that's made itself most apparent.
Anyhow, I got myself worked up and really really started to crave food. There's no chocolate in the apartment, so that wasn't going to happen. But there's bread and there's butter and OH MY HOT BUTTERED TOAST SOUNDS GOOD! But, for a change, I talked to that little inner voice - the one that wanted toast. I aired to friends on IRC that I was upset and craving toast and they all reassured me that it's a common response and just being able to get it out there and examine it? I didn't give in to it. I did make myself coffee instead, so I still comforted and soothed and possibly got a boost from the less healthy chemicals - but I didn't automatically fall into the response that I've been using for many many years and am still trying to train myself out of. This blog has borne witness to it happening again and again. I'm sure it will happen again - but this, this was a tiny tiny step towards progress on that front.
And I had buttered toast for breakfast this morning, as part of my planned meals! So I didn't deny my pleasure with buttered toast, but deferred it to an appropriate time and gave myself control over it. I hope that I can repeat this enough times to break my lifelong habit. Also - I don't think that this would have happened if there had been any chocolate that I could actually have accessed, so not having it anywhere near was a useful aid to advancement in this area.
Anyhow, I got myself worked up and really really started to crave food. There's no chocolate in the apartment, so that wasn't going to happen. But there's bread and there's butter and OH MY HOT BUTTERED TOAST SOUNDS GOOD! But, for a change, I talked to that little inner voice - the one that wanted toast. I aired to friends on IRC that I was upset and craving toast and they all reassured me that it's a common response and just being able to get it out there and examine it? I didn't give in to it. I did make myself coffee instead, so I still comforted and soothed and possibly got a boost from the less healthy chemicals - but I didn't automatically fall into the response that I've been using for many many years and am still trying to train myself out of. This blog has borne witness to it happening again and again. I'm sure it will happen again - but this, this was a tiny tiny step towards progress on that front.
And I had buttered toast for breakfast this morning, as part of my planned meals! So I didn't deny my pleasure with buttered toast, but deferred it to an appropriate time and gave myself control over it. I hope that I can repeat this enough times to break my lifelong habit. Also - I don't think that this would have happened if there had been any chocolate that I could actually have accessed, so not having it anywhere near was a useful aid to advancement in this area.