So, I'd bought a house, I was working ridiculous hours of the day in order to do both college and pay for having a house and I haven't mentioned boys yet.  I've rarely been without boyfriends, if only because I have a tendency towards a 'male' brain.  I like playing with engines, I'm scientific in my work, I have an interest in motorsports and I've always followed rugby and cricket.  Many of my teenage romances involved helping boys to work on their cars, going out to loud music bars (not discos, but hot sweaty live music venues, playing punk, metal or rhythm and blues bands), playing pool in local pubs or watching the aforementioned sports.  

Until I met Kevin.  The same sort of things were in play - he was a self-employed motor mechanic, he had a passion for classic cars, but he also liked real ale and good food.  And my housemate had also met a new man and we decided to part company.  I sold my half of the house to her and her separated, but at the time married, boyfriend.  I made a tidy profit, we'd bought together in 1988 and house prices had rocketed upwards - I sold out to her in 1989, just before they crashed again.  And I moved in with Kevin and bought an E-Type Jag at age 21.  However, all the active things that I'd been doing ceased.  I still worked behind a bar, but I was in a new to me pub, a much more staid village inn and I was living right out on the east coast of Essex, a good hour's drive if I wanted to go to the old clubs where I'd danced all night.

I was eating lots of dishes prepared with cream and butter, I ate lots of chocolate and I was doing way less exercise again.  It didn't take too long before my weight had crept up to 13 stone.  I wasn't happy with Kevin, he was earning way more money than I was and he used that to control me.  He didn't like me inviting my friends to the house, he didn't like me riding motorcycles, he wanted to dictate the way I dressed.  Eventually the camel's back broke and I told him to get stuffed and moved out.  I moved back to my parents, but all the control issues were still there in the form of my father.  Fortunately, I got chatting to a lady called Jenny, who'd separated from her husband after twenty years and was also attempting to live with her father.  She was twice my age, but she had the same issues that I did and we got on really well.  So we rented a house together, in a larger town, called Maldon.  And I went to WeightWatchers for the first time.  It was held in a local town hall and I enjoyed going every week, I'd started to go out to music venues again and dancing.  I started going to the gym opposite the laboratory where I worked my fulltime job, at lunchtime.  I lost weight rapidly, due to both activity and WeightWatchers.

Weightwatchers at the time consisted of various boxes that you ticked off during the day.  Each box represented a controlled size portion of various food groups.  This is a long time ago, but I vaguely remember there being two portions of dairy (milk or cheese or yogurt), three portions of fruit, a minimum of three portions of vegetables (you've always been able to eat as many vegetables as you liked), two of protein rich foods (eggs, meat, fish), three of carbohydrate (rice, pasta, bread) and two of healthy oils or fats (olive oil etc).  I actually found this quite easy and got into eating small portions, grilling all of my meat, using skimmed milk, virtually fat free yogurts etc.  It was the first time that I took photos of my body and how it changed through weightloss too.   At some point, I'll go and find them all and scan them in, but not right now.

I did really well at Weightwatchers and dropped down from that level to 10 stone, in a relatively short time (I think it was about five months, although I don't truthfully remember.how long it actually was.  And I got bitten by the exercise bug, I started going regularly to the gym across the playing fields from work and worked out most lunchtimes.  It was easy to do, I was working flexitime, so getting in early and going home about half an hour later made time for at least 45 minutes workout, sometimes an hour.  I did cardio and alternated weight training between arms and legs.

After I left Guides, I went into Venture Scouts – again with a big active set of people.  Several of my friends regularly went kayak racing, rock climbing or sailing.  Age 16 and age 17, I spent my summer holidays from school living and working as a sailing, canoeing and windsurfing instructor at an adventure holidays centre – out on the water for about five hours every day and also hauling boats about and maintaining/repairing them in the yard, when not instructing. This came about mainly as a mulish refusal to go on holiday with my parents any longer and them countering that they weren’t going to leave me in the house alone.  A live-in job solved both of our requirements – it was a voluntary job, but bed and board were included, so I didn’t really have too much in the way of expenses either.  I was maintaining a weight around 11 stones, but I was muscular, active,  fit and healthy.  The food at the sailing centre was basic, but nourishing - toast and cereal for breakfast, sandwiches and fruit for lunch (they had to be packed and taken out on the boats with us) and then an evening meal of meat and three veg, followed by a pudding of some type, often fruit based.

Looking forward to leaving school, I decided that I didn’t really fancy a job that involved sitting at a desk.  Scouring the local newspaper, I discovered that there was a local laboratory, doing research into the marine environment, in need of a lab technician.  The job advertised was working in sedimentology – that’s playing with mud, in case you didn’t know.  It sounded perfect, so I applied and was duly offered an interview.  This was in early March 1986, just after my eighteenth birthday. Twenty three years ago and I remember odd snapshot parts of the interview, but not the totality.  Before the interview, after I arrived, they informed me that they’d had another resignation, so there was a second job on offer and gave me the specification to read.  This was for a benthic ecologist – a specialist part of marine biology, identifying the animals living in and on the seabed for population studies.  I did the interview and it went well. So well, that they offered me either job, whichever was my preference.  I accepted the latter, but insisted that I wouldn’t start before finishing my A levels in June.  They agreed with that too. So I finished my exams in June, went on holiday, on my own, to Corfu for a week, then started at the laboratory on the 7th July.

The laboratory was about six miles away from my parental home. I had a driving licence, but no car.  I did, however, have a bicycle and duly began cycling to and from work.  It wasn’t too bad until October, when the nights began to get dark and wet and cold.  I worked flexitime, my days were already shorter than when attending school, since I left at around 7.15am and got home at about 4.40pm.  And no homework! Cycling was keeping me fit, and there were regular sports played with work colleagues, as the laboratory was next door to playing fields and a council run sports centre.  No swimming pool, but a modest gym and an indoor multi-use court, which we hired regularly at lunchtimes or evening, for volleyball and indoor hockey.  But, as the weather deteriorated, I decided to buy a moped.  My father came out with me and we bought a hardly used moped (an elderly lady had bought it originally, but found it too heavy, she returned it to the shop with only 400 miles on the clock – they replaced it with a different model) and a crash helmet.  

In September, I started to attend college one day per week, sponsored by work, to do BTec exams in Applied Biology. I also had a lot of rows with my father, who had been harbouring aspirations for me to go to university (I had a place at Newcastle to study Physiotherapy – I’d been keeping my options open) and was still intent on telling me how to run my life. I’ve always been independent, but now I had money of my own, transport of my own, employment and considered myself an adult. He insisted that I still had to be home by 11pm in the evening, that he knew where I was going all the time and that anytime he wanted to go through my bedroom, he would.  I continued to be evasive and to come home when I wanted to.  After one particularly big row, he exploded and told me that it was time to move out. I think that he thought that I’d follow the normal path and rent a room with others in a house and that I’d find it terribly difficult and come home chastened and more co-operative. That wasn’t quite what happened. I agreed to move out, but I teamed up with a friend who was earning good money, working nights in London, servicing the printers and keeping the computers running for Lloyds Bank HQ, as they worked 24 hours. We bought a three bedroomed house between us. However, she was earning three times my salary on paper. I have my wage slips still – so I know that I was earning £3, 612 per annum and I had a mortgage to service of £23,500. Even in the heady days of before the credit crunch, they only loaned up to five times your income solo – back then they were much more circumspect. I should point out that the mortgage company weren’t at fault, my friend was earning ~£15k so there was no reason we couldn’t afford £47k between us.  We moved in in January 1988, just before my 20th birthday.

I couldn’t really afford to live that way, so I took on an extra part-time job working behind the bar of a pub. At least I could be social in the pub, even if I was behind the bar. I was working from 8am until somewhere between 4 and 5 pm, getting home, having a bite to eat (not much either, there was so little money, that I basically lived on porridge with sugar for breakfast, marmite or peanut butter sandwiches and a piece of fruit for lunch and pasta/ sausages/ fishfingers followed by a yogurt for dinner), doing some housework and then going out to the pub to work from 7pm until 11.30pm, getting home and studying for another couple of hours before going to bed. Rinse and repeat. Because of this lifestyle, I stopped doing any sport after work and I’d already stopped cycling to and fro. My activity levels were gradually dropping. Because I was working in the pub, people would frequently offer a drink for myself.  Rather than have anything alcoholic, I normally had high sugar blackcurrant squash, or Coca Cola and a pack of crisps or sometimes a pickled egg, because of being hungry. So the food habits had already started to slip to being unhealthy. Marmite is cheap, but it’s very high in salt. I wasn’t eating anywhere near enough fruit and veg. I was loading up with high sugar and high fat snacks.  

PhotobucketAged around 20 - out sailing...
I've been in and out of being overweight since puberty.  It all started with glandular fever, or infectious mononucleosis as it now seems to be called, contracted when I was 11.  Up until then, I'd been a highly active child, climbing trees, riding, working towards gymnastic awards, swimming and sailing regularly.  I managed to contract it just before moving to secondary school too - this coloured a great deal of my life subsequently.  The new school was a selective high school, my parents were overjoyed that I'd been offered a place and up until then, I'd breezed through school, motivated as a big fish in a little puddle - getting all As, as I was equally adept at music, art and sport as I was with english and maths and other academic subjects. 


Aged about ten, hanging off a tree - a fairly normal ten year old in build.

The new school was a long way from home and I had to leave the house at around 7.30, to walk about three quarters of a mile to the bus-stop to catch a contracted coach, that took another hour to drive to the school, picking up other children en route.  I started on a Thursday I think, and by the weekend was complaining of feeling horribly tired.  My parents put this down to the new travelling and change, until I fainted on the Sunday, when out walking with my mother.  I'd NEVER fainted before, so this worried them a little and I was duly taken to the doctor and after a week and some blood tests, the viral infection was confirmed.  One of the side effects of the illness can be serious fatigue.  And I got that in spades.  I was back to school after three weeks at home, but I'd gone from being able to swim indefinitely to not being able to get down the length of the school pool.  Every subject exercise book I had, had accusatory blank pages in the front, where I was supposed to copy up what I'd missed from other people.  I was doing a much longer day, leaving home at 7.30 in the morning and frequently not getting home until well past 5 in the evening.  For the first time in my life I was expected to do homework.  It all added up to overwhelming me.  I was withdrawn and miserable.  The other girls at school had paired up or grouped up into friends, I still knew nobody and was rubbish at sports, following the illness.  Every time I handed in homework, I got sarcastic comments back from the teachers about not having caught up with the work I'd missed.  I stopped doing homework.  I started puberty and all the hormonal misery of that.

So I retreated into a world where I'd go to my bedroom - ostensibly to do homework, but actually to read books and escape that way.  And to comfort myself with food.  I bought sweets daily and ate them incessantly.  When I was home, I'd raid my mother's baking supplies. I'd eat sultanas, raisins, nuts and go down the cocoa jars, the syrup tin or the sugar cannister with a teaspoon.  The peanut butter jar and the Nutella jar weren't safe either.  I crashed on weight, around five stone that year - that's seventy pounds.  I was still growing, but even so, the weight going on around my hips and onto my breasts was causing huge embarassing stretch marks.  And the breasts!  I remember being in the sports changing room and thinking how flat chested I was.  By the end of that year, I had the biggest breasts in the year group.  But of course, the not doing homework was starting to get me into trouble - I'd lie about having done it in my roughbook, or any other excuse I could dream up.  It didn't help that other girls had help from parents who were teachers and then allowed others to copy their homework, altering the phrasing sufficiently for it not to be obvious (being selective, no-one was daft).  I disdained such practices as "cheating" and felt above that, by just not doing it.  But of course, this didn't endear me to teachers, although I passed any test or examination effortlessly still.  Neither did it lead to home being particularly harmonious, as my parents attempted to get me to work and I did anything to not do it.

I always attended school though, I actually always enjoyed learning, just not homework.  I didn't really see the point in homework, since I could manage the exams.  I hated sports still and managed to do the absolute minimum.  I went home and did little in the way of exerting myself, but continued with all those bad eating habits.  I should point out, that these were on top of being fed an extremely good diet by my mother, so I at least had the basis of good health, growing up.  She provided us with lots of veg and lots of fruit and pretty minimal stuff in the way of things like sausages or chips.  I loved milk too, so my bones grew sturdily.  By the time that I was 13, I was my full height and 11 stone in weight - 154 pounds.  My body shape was that of a full grown woman, my vital statistics were 40", 26", 36".  That, coupled with a fairly acute intelligence, meant that if I was dressed up properly, I was mistaken for an adult.  Emotionally, I was a long way off being grown up, I was miserable, sulky and often anti-social.  I'd finally shaken off the fatigue of the disease, but now I had the malaise and moodiness of being a teenager.


Aged around 13 - now fully grown and already pretty heavy, although still playing like a 13 yr old.

My weight stayed roughly the same, because although I regularly continued to overeat, I gradually resumed physical exercise, mainly through Girl Guides, where I canoed, went camping, did night hikes and what we called wide games and generally ran round with lots of people.  Most of my friends were through either Guides or Scouts in the small village where I grew up.  My weight stayed roughly the same until I left home aged 19.

Profile

discodoris

May 2017

S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14 151617181920
21222324252627
28293031   

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags